I have had some of the most heart breaking experiences lately.
I worked with a patient who was morbidly obese and really couldn't move around by herself.
I looked into her eyes and saw nothing.
She has been completely engulfed by hopelessness and despair.
She has been filled with darkness and her mind has been clouded.
Although I try to be extra cheerful when I see her, I know what kind of hell she is living in.
I may not know or understand the severity of it but I understand her.
I relate to her.
I just wanted to grab her and scream, "WAKE UP!!! THIS IS NOT IT...THERE IS MORE TO YOUR LIFE!! ARE YOU WILLING TO FIGHT? BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT TO LIVE!"
She is not living.
She is merely existing day to day.
I looked into the eyes of a sweet,innocent, little girl whom had accompanied her father into the E.R.
Her father had too many drinks and was unresponsive.
As I did my work, I tried to make small talk with her. I asked her, " What's your name?" "How old are you?" etc.....
I think about her a lot.
I know the life she is living.
She is the child of an alcoholic.
Even though she may be sad or hurt, she tries not to show it because she cant fall apart when her parent doesn't even have it together.
She has to be the care taker.
She has to be responsible for another person at a time when she should be relying on them to help her figure out her life and realize who she is.
I had another lady whose mind was that of a small child.
In fact, at times I would have to look at her to remind myself that this was a grown woman.
She had the same fears as a child and expressed them the same way.
She was encouraged the same way you would encourage a small child to be brave while at the hospital.
Ice cream did the trick!
I was reminded that mental health is crucial.
That being said....
I will never understand how a human being can look into the eyes of a child and do them harm.
But I also cannot understand why we take mental health so lightly or why there is so much shame in admitting there is a problem either within yourself or with someone else.
If the problem is within some one else, be mindful of it, acknowledge that something is not right, and encourage them to seek help.
But I guess it really is not that easy.
You see, I was recently diagnosed Bipolar.
(Yep. I'm being honest.)
I had a physician tell me that they believed I was bipolar about a year ago but I didn't believe them and refused to admit it.
I didn't realize how serious the problem was until one of my best friends talked to me after I had started getting help and said, "Emily, it was so scary talking to you because there was such a disconnect. I didn't recognize you at all."
It is a battle that I fight every. single. day.
I have to listen to my body and realize when I am going to have a "bad day".
I am still learning but I have been able to find my triggers.
I know that a bad mood can lead to a pitfall.
I know that if I don't eat right and exercise I will not be mentally healthy.
Yoga usually does the trick for clearing my mind and allowing me to breathe.
Anyway, when I was waiting to see a therapist I was put on a waiting list....
FOR A MONTH.
Seriously, there are not enough funds for mental health.
I am lucky that I have support and was able to get help before but imagine if it were a dyer situation.
Some one who is mentally unhealthy are capable of doing anything...as we know, after the shooting today.
I just had to say all of these things. I don't know why bad things happen. I don't know why some people are put through the trials they are but I know that we have to be honest. Stop hiding! Stop thinking that you have to be perfect all of the time. Admit when you are hurting. Say it when you are sad.
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