Yoga, Christmas Eve, and job opportunities!

Yeah.....

I've come to terms with the fact that I will never win an award for my amazing blogging skills and I owe it all to the fact that...I'm 20, yo! 

I work full-time, go to school, am involved in church callings and activities, and every now and then I like to do stuff for fun. Ya know, like go to K-Mart and by another Yoga DVD. 

I have a weakness for anything related to Yoga. 

Yoga mats, Yoga pants (I could live in those things for so many reasons...but mainly because no one ever knows if I just got back from the gym or just rolled out of bed.), Yoga music, etc.

I have so many good memories involving Yoga. 

While attending BYU-I, my roommates and I would go like every week during the winter to the free classes on campus. 

They were so much fun! 

There is always that one person who has to show everyone else up and twist themselves into a tiny little pretzels while i'm in the back on the room tumbling over in an unsuccessful attempt to keep my balance.

 I always felt like I owed the instructor an apology for my friend's and I laughing so much at ourselves. 

While, yoga was a fun and comical experience, it is now a stress reliever for me now. Seriously, after a few minutes of stretching and yoga poses I can get rid of a terrible mood. It's incredible what taking a few minutes and listening to our bodies and allowing ourselves time to just "be" can really do for us! 

My mom told me that she read somewhere that the average person gains 7 pounds during the holidays. That is a lot of wiggle room. So, I've decided that I will enjoy my large cup of hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and Christmas cookies/candy galore! 

I am so excited for the changes coming up in my life! I became a Certified Nurses Assistant. I was really nervous about taking my skills test because our classmates were our "patients". 

I just hate faking. In real life, I love taking care of people and stuff but when i'm acting it's just super awkward and I cant help but laugh. 

BUT nevertheless, I made a 96 on my skills test!

I applied for several jobs as a CNA in the Council Bluffs/Omaha area. 

Has anyone heard of Creighton University?

Well, they have a really awesome law and medical program. 

Well, there is also a big Medical Center affiliated with the school. 

I applied for a job as a CNA in OB helping deliver babies and care for laboring mothers! 

Seriously, getting this job would be a dream come true!

To be able to get experience at Creighton would be AMAZING!!!

So, I am keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that I get the job.

I'll keep everyone posted. 

Well, I am off to build a Gingerbread house with my sister! 

 MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

-Emily

Sometimes you just need to cry....

I have had some of the most heart breaking experiences lately. 

I worked with a patient who was morbidly obese and really couldn't move around by herself.

 I looked into her eyes and saw nothing. 

She has been completely engulfed by hopelessness and despair. 

She has been filled with darkness and her mind has been clouded. 

Although I try to be extra cheerful when I see her, I know what kind of hell she is living in.

 I may not know or understand the severity of it but I understand her.

 I relate to her.

I just wanted to grab her and scream, "WAKE UP!!! THIS IS NOT IT...THERE IS MORE TO YOUR LIFE!! ARE YOU WILLING TO FIGHT? BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT TO LIVE!"

She is not living.

She is merely existing day to day. 

I looked into the eyes of a sweet,innocent, little girl whom had accompanied her father into the E.R. 

Her father had too many drinks and was unresponsive. 

As I did my work, I tried to make small talk with her. I asked her, " What's your name?" "How old are you?" etc.....

I think about her a lot. 

I know the life she is living. 

She is the child of an alcoholic. 

Even though she may be sad or hurt, she tries not to show it because she cant fall apart when her parent doesn't even have it together. 

She has to be the care taker. 

She has to be responsible for another person at a time when she should be relying on them to help her figure out her life and realize who she is. 

I had another lady whose mind was that of a small child. 

In fact, at times I would have to look at her to remind myself that this was a grown woman. 

She had the same fears as a child and expressed them the same way.

She was encouraged the same way you would encourage a small child to be brave while at the hospital.

Ice cream did the trick! 

I was reminded that mental health is crucial.

That being said....

I will never understand how a human being can look into the eyes of a child and do them harm. 

But I also cannot understand why we take mental health so lightly or why there is so much shame in admitting there is a problem either within yourself or with someone else. 

If the problem is within some one else,  be mindful of it, acknowledge that something is not right, and encourage them to seek help. 

But I guess it really is not that easy.

You see, I was recently diagnosed Bipolar. 

(Yep. I'm being honest.)

I had a physician tell me that they believed I was bipolar about a year ago but I didn't believe them and refused to admit it.

I didn't realize how serious the problem was until one of my best friends talked to me after I had started getting help and said, "Emily, it was so scary talking to you because there was such a disconnect. I didn't recognize you at all."

It is a battle that I fight every. single. day. 

I have to listen to my body and realize when I am going to have a  "bad day".

I am still learning but I have been able to find my triggers. 

I know that a bad mood can lead to a pitfall. 

I know that if I don't eat right and exercise I will not be mentally healthy.

Yoga usually does the trick for clearing my mind and allowing me to breathe.

Anyway,  when I was waiting to see a therapist I was put on a waiting list....

FOR A MONTH.

Seriously, there are not enough funds for mental health. 

I am lucky that I have support and was able to get help before but imagine if it were a dyer situation.

Some one who is mentally unhealthy are capable of doing anything...as we know, after the shooting today.

I just had to say all of these things. I don't know why bad things happen. I don't know why some people are put through the trials they are but I know that we have to be honest. Stop hiding! Stop thinking that you have to be perfect all of the time. Admit when you are hurting. Say it when you are sad. 

RUNNING SHOE GIVEAWAY by my FAVORITE LADY EVER!!!!!!!!!

EVERYONE!!!!!!

STOP WHAT YOURE DOING AND GO CHECK OUT THIS LOVELY LADY'S BLOG....

HungryRunnerGirl

She is INCREDIBLE!!!! Seriously, she is GORGEOUS, HYSTERICAL, and SO MOTIVATING! I found her blog on Pinterest (Go figure...) back in July and have been addicted ever since! She makes fitness look SUPER easy and from what I am gathering she runs like a million miles a day and somehow manages to complete her daily tasks, be a wife, mother, eat lots of YUMMY food and do it all while looking like a drop dead gorgeous model! 

Yep. I want her life. The end.

In the meantime, im entering a contest for a chance to score some AWESOME running shoes!!! I cant even tell you how happy I would be if I could win some NICE running shoes. I mean, i have nice ones... dont get me wrong...but I also work in them and they are gonna be done-zo pretty soon.

Plus these are PERFECT for training....ughhh!!!! I would kill for them....

Anyway, if you would like a chance to score some free running shoes head over to her blog and enter yourself.......but if you win and I dont.....IM GONNA BE SOOOO MAD!!!

Just Kidding...kinda.... =)

The day after....

The day after Thanksgiving in a hospital is pretty dead....

 

YIKES!!! I shouldn't say that.

 

Ummm....

it is pretty....quiet....

 

that's better.

 

Most of the departments are closed for the holidays. So, therefore, there arent many people needing anything. I LOVE working in a hospital (most days). I mean there is always gonna be some bad with every good. Ya know? Like, for example, today. It is only 9am and I have already almost been punched in the face by an elderly man. My day was almost ruined but then a nurse asked me if I had been working out with my momma and told me I looked good!

So nice of her to say that!

 

Yesterday, during my run I felt so at peace and content. Maybe it was the mellow weather...

 

 

 

 

Of course I couldnt leave my running buddy at home.

 

 

Believe it or not, even though she has short and skinny little legs she sure can book it! She is always right at my heels.

 

I bruise EXTREMELY easily. Im never 100% sure how I got these but I think I hit my leg either on the counter in the lab or on a patients bed or something.

 

 

Oh and sorry its a dark picture..it was about 7am and everyone in my house was still asleep.

 

Since today is such a slow day, I plan on reading these....

 

 

looking through Pinterest...

 

searching for fun blogs to follow...

OH by the way, ive already been successful in that endeavor!!!

I actually found this blog on Pinterest.....

Honey We're Healthy

 

She is THE cutest thing ever and has really great tips for staying healthy!

 

You can also check her out at

 

Honey We're Home

 

She has SO many ideas for making your house a home!

I have a feeling I will be stopping by her blog a lot when I get ready to decorate my new apartment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Overwhelmed with gratitude and love, Lori, and a SHOUT OUT!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I LOVE FALL for many reasons....

The colors of the leaves...

The fact that EVERYTHING comes in Pumpkin Flavor...

The cool, crisp air which means I get to wear comfy sweaters and outfits like this more often...

The fact that oatmeal is so much better on a cool, fall morning than any other time...

oh and don't forget to add fruit and nuts...YUM!  

Everyone starts making cinnamon rolls....

I did this for charity...it was a tough sacrifice but anything for charity, right!? =) 

I had already eaten half of it before I thought to take a picture. And yes, I did eat the entire thing...it took me like an hour because I kept having to go take care of patients. 

Oh,

    and the HOLIDAYS!!!

 Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorites! I've never really been the kind of person to go all out for a holiday but I feel like that person lives within me and is waiting to be unleashed. 

I LOVE seeing sweet little kids dressed up as puppies, princesses, cowboys, monsters, fairies, etc. Im not a huge fan of the idea of them going from house to house begging strangers for candy but...whatevs. I love Thanksgiving for the traditional reasons like time with my family and reflecting on our blessings. I try to live my life in a way that I realize and reflect on my blessings on a daily basis. But lets be real...that can sometimes be hard...especially when you are a broke college student working full time trying to make ends meet. Even in all of the chaos and stress of life, I have been blessed more than I could ever imagine. So, having a day set aside to think only of the positive things in life and the blessings that I have received already is exactly what I need. 

One of those blessings actually took place on Thanksgiving day, two years ago. On that day, I was in Mexico and was being prepared for my gastric bypass procedure. I remember feeling so at peace with my decision. I was treated by the most amazing nurses and doctors who cared for me like I was one of their own (even though I couldn't understand a word they were saying about 90% of the time). I had family and friends back in the U.S. who were supported and loved me. I was being given the opportunity to have a second chance at life. To be healthy and strong. 

To run....

To prepare myself to be a healthy mother...

(NOT my baby..this is my friend Beth's baby girl.)

To laugh, cry, dream, take Sunday naps, go on road trips, and eat Chipotle with this girl...

To have slumber parties with the best roommates/friends/sisters you could ask for...

To have to clean out my closet several times over the next 2 years because my clothes fall off of me...

To climb mountains (both literal and metaphorically)...

I am in awe when I think of the person I used to be and the person I am now. I know I am still the same person but I have such a strong passion for life and all of the adventures that it entails. I have been able to accomplish goals that I never in a million years would have thought I could. I was only a dreamer before and now I am some one who makes those dreams reality. 

My mom and I were just looking at a few pictures and I found some before and after's to share....

My mom and I. I was 16 and we had just gotten all of my things moved into my first college apartment..

 

My mom and I a week ago....

Summer 2010. My roommate and BFF, Jen and I went to the David Archuletta/David Osmond concert on campus...

Moving into my apartment in Provo the last week of July 2012...

My pup Cricket and I before I left for college...I was 16 here too...

Saying goodbye to Chaco... July 2012....

This morning I woke up at 6 o'clock (First of all, that is a miracle in itself!). At first, I was like "UHHH, I am not about to get up before the sun on my day off. " But then I just had this desire to go run. I just HAD to get out of the house, enjoy the sunrise and remind myself of how strong I am. It was a little chilly but other than that it was perfect for running! I only had to use my inhaler twice today! (I usually have to take quite a few hits...) 

I took some pictures but  because we live in the middle of nowhere I cant upload them from my phone right now. I'll do that later though for sure! 

It is just so incredibly humbling to look back on my life thus far and be able to see those times when Heavenly Father really showed me how much He loves me. He put amazing people in my life at the exact moment that I needed them. Some of those people I am not able to see anymore but they have made the greatest impact in my life. The people we meet help us become the people we are meant to be. 

This is my friend Lori...

I met her last Spring. She lived in the same apartment complex as me. One day my roommate, Emily came home and was all, "Have you guys met Lori, yet? She is awesome! She is outside making a spoon out of a piece of wood. I think i'm gonna ask her to live with us if that's ok with everyone else." 

Lori, LOVES the outdoors! In the picture above, she was teaching me how to start a fire without using matches! She worked with a program that would take teens, who were rough around the edges and had been in A LOT of trouble, out into the wilderness as a kind of last resort to help them. They would teach them new ways to cope with things and allow them to discover themselves and let go of their pain and hardships. 

If you know Lori, you know that she is THE PERFECT PERSON for that job! She has a spirit about her that is so peaceful and inviting.

She would run a lot and invited me to join her. I wasn't thrilled about the time but I said I would go with her on Tuesdays because I didn't have class that day (aka I could go back home and go back to bed...).

The times I went running with Lori are some of my most favorite memories. I had just started running and I was still having issues with the Neuropathy in my legs. She could have ran so much harder and faster but she ran at my pace and stopped when I needed to stop. She would coach me along and cheer me on! Sometimes when I run, I can here her say, "Where are we going to now, sister?" I don't think she will ever completely know how much that meant to me. I am so much stronger now because of her motivation. 

Lori,

love you sister! Hope you are doing well! I miss you! Give Chaco kisses for me! 

And THIS is Chaco!!! LOVE! 

Today, I am completely overwhelmed with love and hope. The future is so exciting! I am starting a CNA (Certified Nurses Assistant) program next week. I will need to have that certification completed before I can start nursing school. It is incredible how everything is falling into place for me. I moved to Iowa during a really hard time but so many good things are happening for me. 

I was able to find a job working as a phlebotomist at a local hospital. Because of my employment and my mother's connections (she is a nurse practitioner and runs a clinic for the hospital that I work at) I have been able to experience SO much! 

The other night I was so lucky to be able to stand in during a delivery of a sweet baby boy. The entire experience was exciting and confirmed for me that I 100% want to be a nurse and I want to work in women's health. 

The CNA class I am gonna start hasnt been held in our town for SO long but this year they got enough people to sign up. I will be done in time to start school at Iowa Western Community College in Council Bluffs, Iowa. I'll finish up my nursing prerequisites while I am working as a CNA before starting nursing school. 

I am SO excited to be a nurse! 

Well, I guess this post is long enough. Sorry for the blog overload! 

Oh, one last thing...

My sister told me that her friend, Caitlin reads my blog and I thought id give her a shout out! HEY GIRL! Congrats on the new job! Thanks for reading my blog! If you have any good blog suggestions send them my way! =)

Chipotle, Cupcake Heaven and BOOKS!

Last night, mom and I decided to drive into Omaha for the evening. We originally wanted to go see a movie but then when we got there we decided to hit up Barnes and Noble instead. But first we stopped by Chipotle!!! (Yes, that sentence did need three exclamation marks.) My best friend and I LOVE Chipotle and since I miss her SO much I thought it would ease my heart ache to eat dinner there last night. My momma had never been but I do think she is a believer now! 

I usually always get a burrito bowl and Aly (best friend mentioned above) gets a chicken burrito. Well, last night I decided I would try a chicken burrito in honor of Aly! Except I drowned mine in Jalapeno sauce. SO GOOOOODDDD!!! Oh and you have to drink lemonade with it! Perfect combination. 

Do any of you watch Cupcake Wars on Foodnetwork? I LOVE that show. I secretly want to be on that show but I dont think I have the skills for it. Anyway, after dinner we needed something sweet. So, we headed over to Jones Bro's Cupcakes. Seriously, this place was HUGE and the bakery took 3/4 of the building and the catering section had a little spot in the corner! So funny! There were SO many options. I felt extremely overwhelmed. But in the end I chose, red velvet (of course) and sweet and salty, which was a chocolate cupcake with chocolate butter cream frosting and sea salt sprinkled on top! YUM!!! My mom chose Pecan Pie, Pumpkin Spice and an Elvis cupcake, which was a banana cupcake with chocolate frosting and peanut butter and a banana slice on top. I didnt get to try that one. It was gone in approximately 2.5 secs. But I am assuming it was really good! =) 

I have had an urge to find a good book lately. I usually always gravitate to the Self-Improvement section or the Fitness/Health section. I LOVE book stores! My favorite part is the area by the check out stands. They always have tons of "random" stuff. There were yummy smelling candles and lotions, book marks, book lights, etc. I may or may not have ended up spending $50 on books last night. Hint: I DID. 

I am starting a CNA program on the 26th of this month. It is required by the nursing program that I am going to. So, I am really excited to get that. It's just one step closer to where I want to be.

Girls night in Omaha

   Since I started my new job at the hospital, I have had to get up at 4:30 am. Well, now my body is adjusted to getting up at the crack of dawn. So, today (Saturday) I swore I was going to sleep in late. My idea of sleeping in is not getting up until 11 am or later. Well, today I woke up at 6 am. Just like the day before which was also my day off. I was determined to sleep longer so I stayed in bed and ended up giving in at 7:30 and started my day then. My best friend and I were talking about how we are growing up. Seriously, since when do I get up at 6 am on my off day and cook breakfast and clean the house???? Who am I??? I actually love getting up before the sun! I think we are meant to rise with the sun. 

I woke Momma up and we headed out for a nice walk around the neighborhood. It was SUPER windy. So, we only walked about 2.5 miles. 

At about 11 am,  Momma and I set out for Omaha. I LOVE Omaha. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it is because there is a Whole Foods. Or maybe it is because I also get stuff when we come to Omaha. Hmmm....

First stop:

Petco. 

I am looking into moving to the Omaha area and want to get a dog to a.) keep me company and b.) protect me. So, we stopped by to see if they had any dogs. Well, no dogs but they did have a cat the size of a panther....NO THANKS! Not a cat person. 

So, on to the animal shelter we went.

And there she was....

She had been brought to the shelter 3 days before and was so calm. She is already house broken and is good around other dogs and children. I LOVE HER!!! She is beautiful! But we didn't adopt her today. Hopefully, she will be there when we go back. I would love to adopt an older dog instead of getting a puppy and having to potty train it and everything. 

We ALWAYS eat at Olive Garden when we come to Omaha.  

The past two times we have eaten there I got the Spicy Shrimp Fritta. It is SO SO SO good. Its an appetizer but I get it as my entree. Momma and I also split some sort of eggplant meal but...I just wasn't feeling the eggplant. I really didn't like the batter it had on it. 

                After we stuffed our faces with yummy salad, bread sticks and spicy shrimp, we went over to Dress Barn to find Momma some dress clothes. We were quite successful! We then moved on to Maurices, where we found some Christmas presents for my sister! (Ash, I know you're reading this! Holla!)

We ALWAYS go to Target. My mom and I are very much alike. One thing that we always agree on is that Target is like Heaven on earth. Today, is a day that will go down in history in our family. We went to Target and bought NOTHING. I repeat NOTHING. Miracles do happen. 

After leaving Target empty handed, we headed over to Orange Leaf for some frozen yogurt. 

I chose Pumpkin Pie, Snickerdoodle, and Wedding Cake yogurt flavors and fruity pebbles, cinnamon crunch, raspberries, kiwi, blueberries, caramel sauce, hot fudge, brownie bites, bits of waffle cone and gummy bears. 

(Yes, Ashley..I was able to walk out of there....)

My Momma chose Brownie Batter and something else...I cant remember what all she had on there. When it comes to Frozen Yogurt you have to stay focused when fixing your bowl. I was focused on my share! But i do remember her grabbing brownie bites which led me to do the same. She is such a good example! =)

Needless to say, she enjoyed Orange Leaf. She had never been to a place like that before! 

After. I did some damage but I couldn't finish it. Story of my life. 

After FroYo, we headed to my safe haven. My happy place. My heaven on earth. 

Whole Foods. Oh, how I love you! 

Of course, I walked straight over to the bakery...

Notice the Turkey made of chocolate....ooh, i love this place! 

Ever since I was a little girl, I would always run over to the fresh flowers at any store and beg my momma to buy me some! I LOVE LOVE LOVE fresh flowers. 

I was looking at the lotions and things and I hear, "Hey, Emily, Look at this!" I turn to see my Momma playing with a puppet. I cant take her anywhere. She always gets into something.She may or may not have made it blow kisses at passers by. Hint: She did. Gotta love her! 

There was a lady doing Complexion Analysis'. Of course I jumped at the opportunity and was in the chair before she explained exactly what it all entailed. My eagerness sometimes gets me into trouble. These are a few pics from my Momma's analysis. 

After that, it was time to head out. We were beyond ready to get to our hotel and relax. I love it when the housekeepers make little animals out of the towels. It takes very little to excite me! 

Sorry for the blurry picture. Im not sure why it turned out that way. 

She stuck her nails in my back to make me make a funny face and this is what happened. 

Looking over my loot from Whole Foods. A hoodie, Aloe Vera juice, fruit, and face wash. 

I am so excited to check out the singles ward here tomorrow. I plan on getting up and jumping on the treadmill for a run in the morning before heading down stairs for breakfast, which i'm really excited about! We always eat a big bowl of oatmeal with fresh fruit, nuts and brown sugar!! MMMMM, it is divine! 

The most honest post Ive ever written

I am a major lover of words. Im not the best writer but words always seem to resonate with me and allow me to find comfort, peace, and even motivation. It is in the words of others that I find the answers to my questions and learn more about myself and what I am capable of.

“We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we’re afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Then I looked at around to this place, at the chaos it has endured - the way it has been adapted, burned, pillaged and found a way to build itself back up again. And I was reassured, maybe my life hasn’t been so chaotic, it’s just the world that is, and the real trap is getting attached to any of it. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”


There is no doubt in my mind that i reached a state of ruin. I knew I had reached that point when I couldnt pick myself up off of my closet floor where I had slept for the past 3 nights. Looking back, I know I reached that point when my family and friends feared for my life. I couldnt see it. I had no idea why they were telling me to move on and let go. My best friend even said, "Em, you have to get rid of him. He is toxic." But I thought I was doing the right thing because I had seen so much good in someone and all I wanted was to make them see it to. All I wanted was for him to see what I saw.   

I thought if I stayed and I gave all that I had then he would realize that I was worth changing for. I was worth him giving up the ghosts from his past and allowing me to be his future. It is amazing how fast one person can fall while the other is merely standing still in hesitation not allowing himself to feel anything at all. I dont blame him. He told me often that there was a side of him that I couldnt see. I dont think he realized I could see it. That is why I was so drawn to him. We both had so much pain and darkness to hide. He felt familiar to me and I loved it. 

I gave up so much for him and I was willing to give up more and he wasnt able to give me anything. A very dear person to me taught me an important lesson not too long ago. She taught me that as human beings we can only give as much as we have to a relationship. So, if we have nothing, we can give nothing. I try to look at it as he just didnt have anything to give me and I had everything to give to him. Which to me, is a good sign. Its a good sign because even though I have had to feel so much pain in my life I still have so much love to give to someone else. 

He is a tough guy but when i laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat he just felt human. Some one who had been through tough times and allowed those times to change them into a "tough" person. He allowed his pain and trials to change him into someone cold and shut off. I allow my pain and struggles to change me into someone who is grateful for life and for the lessons ive learned along the way. I will always try to  keep my heart and my mind open. 

I know some of you are probably wondering why I am writing this on my blog and not in a journal somewhere that I can keep hidden. And to you, I say...I am done hiding. Hiding your darkness will never help anyone to see the light. But, also, I dont want to forget what I am feeling right now as I type this having spoken to my bishop yesterday. I dont want to forget what it felt like to lay in my sisters bed crying and shaking as she held me and cried with me. I dont want to forget how it felt to have to come home because I couldnt stand one more night in my apartment where I couldnt even sleep in my own bed. 

I do want to remember how happy I was in the beginning. I want to remember the way it felt to see him smile and try to hide it. I want to remember laying on his chest and feeling him breathe. But I want to remember that I deserve someone who can point out those things about me and cherish them. I deserve someone who cares about my dreams and will help me anyway he can to reach them. I deserve someone who will lift me up to the person that God has intended me to be and not pull me down to where they are. I deserve to be shown the same amount of love that I am capable of giving. 

The part that scares me the most is when I think about my future children and how i almost repeated the same cycle. I almost forced them into a life where they would more than likely have been raised by a single mother and never seen a healthy, loving relationship first hand. I feel extremely guilty for that. I deserve to be loved by a man who loves our children more than anything. I deserve to watch my children love and adore their father. 

I am learning that the choices I make now WILL effect my future and my future family. I know that God is preparing me to be a light and strength for others. I know that He has a very special and specific plan for my life. My bishop said yesterday, "Emily, have you ever had the feeling that you are meant to be more and do more with your life?" I told him yes and he said, "That is because you are. You are going to be a light for so many people but you cannot be strong for them until you can be strong for yourself. You already have an incredible light about you that draws people to you but you need to be strong for yourself now so that you can be strong for them later."

My faith in God and His church has been strengthened through this trial. I was not ready to speak to my bishop. I was not ready to admit i was wrong but as soon as I heard him say, "Emily, your Heavenly Father forgives you and He still loves you so much." I knew that Heavenly Father had joined our conversation and He was communicating with me. I am still sad and I feel confused and angry. But I have faith that in time everything will work out and I will get my happily ever after. 

".........Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”


Love,
    Em

DAY 1

Day 1:

I have eaten a nectarine, a plum, some watermelon, and a few bites of applesauce. I will admit that I ate some boiled cabbage. =( I know, I KNOW!!! I cracked on day one but it could be so much worse. For example, I could have eaten the Reese's peanut butter cups that I am craving so bad right now im pretty sure violence IS the answer. Ok. I'm sorry. I'm moving along.

Today, i really didnt feel like I had much energy. I felt kind of sluggish. I am assuming that is due to the dramatic decrease in my calorie intake though. I haven't been drinking like I should be. So, I need to work on that for the remainder of the day.

I did go for a walk/jog. I feel so strong when I'm running now since i've had my iron. Oh my goodness, it is unreal!!!!! I feel a little unstoppable. It's funny because my mom and I go together but she walks and I jog. And since my legs are twice as long as hers,  im usually way ahead of her but I can still hear her telling the neighbors, "She's a runner but im doing good just to walk." She has lost 33lbs herself since May 28th. She is a rockstar! Sometimes, I am completely amazed at how all three of us ladies (my mom, my sister,and I) have kind of adopted this desire to be healthier and we are all making changes and pushing ourselves to be healthy. If you would have told me 2 years ago that I would be obsessed with nutrition and fitness blogs and training to run races, I would have laughed in your face and told you to go get me a taco. BUT life is crazy and although its SUPER hard sometimes, we can always improve. Always. Even if it takes years of baby steps.

I have been looking at upcoming races in the area and im trying to find one that I have enough time to train for. We will see. But anyway...


So, today I weighed myself at 183.6.

Im off to drink lots and lots of water!!!

-Emily

Inspiration

                                                                EXACTLY!!!